A deep breath and baby steps...

Amazing! I've almost gotten used to the high speed trains jetting by and nearly knocking me over! I never thought that would happen. I remember the first time I waited on the platform and all but keeled over in shock and fright as a train zoomed through the Le Perray station, not stopping in its thunderous mission to Paris. I can now stand a foot from the platform's ledge and flinch only slightly as the cacophonous train hurtles by leaving a rush of swirling wind in its wake. I might grab onto my ipod "earbuds" (really hate that term)...but that doesn't count...

Small accomplishments are the ultimate catalysts for the changes I will undergo here. Not that this lack of terror is really so much an accomplishment as it is an effect of conditioning, but I am loving France and its potential impact on my life, each experience further molding my worldliness. In ways, it's exciting to witness each new day unfold and color my experience with culture and challenges; it will be interesting to see its ultimate impact on me. Exciting, sure, but I'm also a little afraid of how I'll have changed by the time I return home. Ha, hopefully only for the better, but I remember when Mary Beth came back from a semester abroad in London - the reverse culture shock she went though, as well as her evolution as a person - her realization that she had changed. I guess it's just strange recognizing the change, being cognizant of my personal evolution. Will I still fit into my life at home? I hope so!

The other day evoked thought on this subject when my friend Nick asked me what, if anything, I miss about the US. I had a hard time thinking of anything but family, friends, and stupid things like being able to easily watch my favorite tv shows - how sad is that? Surely there's a reason why I love the US? All that I miss resides in the Tivo at home? Alena and I were talking about this as well after one of her charges confronted her (in French) with an accusatory argument about the wasteful United States following a comment from his schoolteacher. He was shocked, nearly disgusted, that we have no electric cars, we don't walk everywhere, we don't constantly strive to be eco-friendly, we eat lots of fast-food...sadly, nearly all true...but what do you say to that? How can you defend your country painted in such bleak light? She made a great attempt at explaining that some of these things, like our failure to walk most places, are not practical in our country. Really, unless you live in a big city, public transportation and commutes-on-foot are not always options. Our roads are wide and our land expansive; we don't require cute, compact cars to maneuver through narrow streets and squeeze into bumper-hugging parking spaces. Along the same lines, we need big 18-wheelers to cover ground and deliver our big cars; we don't always have train lines to do it. Not to say that there isn't room for improvement in the US, but the solutions we employ to access the rest of the country are consequently, and unfortunately, less eco-friendly. It's definitely hard to remember the positives of your homeland in a place where your country is often viewed negatively. How do you remember the great things about your country when you're becoming more adapted to the great things in your current country?

I received my reminder in the mail today - a letter from the American Church in Paris wholeheartedly welcoming me to the church and imploring me to make it my spiritual home in France. The impact of this letter was comparable to that of my hot tea at breakfast - instantly surging warmth and joy through to my extremities. The letter mentions the diverse cultural reaches of the church and the deep feelings of belonging that its congregation wishes for me to develop through worshiping there. In addition to a place for worship, for me, the church serves as a window to home; a reminder of my church, my hometown, memories of growing up in the United States. Trick-or-treating in the greatest homemade Halloween costumes, painting and hunting Easter eggs, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and other holiday rituals, visiting our family in Florida, baking cookies and art projects with Mom, watching college basketball with Dad (Keith Booth! Juan Dixon! LB! Steve Blake! CP3!!), scampering around our neighborhoods (GA, MD, TN...), climbing trees and making forts and "food" with mud, leaves, and berries...Elise sometimes eating it...(kidding - I think); later, beach trips with friends, my second home (and family) at the dance studio, work hard/play hard Wake Forest years, my fun, amazing, supportive friends, and any time with my incredible family. I have wonderful memories and wonderful relationships in the US. I can't put my finger on what exactly I love and miss about the United States...it's just home. Sure, I love that it's a great, powerful country; a free country; an exciting, accepting, forward-thinking country. But I haven't really experienced its contrary. I don't know what it's like to be denied my religious freedom, rights to property ownership, to vote, to be educated where I wish, to be friends with whom I wish, or other liberties that I take for granted. Above all of its true merits, the United States of America is the country that provided the backdrop for these past 22 years, and I love it most for that.

Strangely, I do feel at home in Europe - more than I ever imagined I would. I think I could live in Paris for quite some time if I had my close friends and family with me. The hardest part really is the distance; the lengths required to speak with a friend or watch a tv show. Those things that are so readily accessible in the States now require effort and planning. Some of you have joked about having to come tear me away at the end of the year to ensure that I come back to the US. As far as I can tell now, it will definitely be difficult to leave France; however, at the same time, it's easy to be comfortable and confident far away when you have a great backbone at home. I know that when I come back, no matter how much I've changed or not, no matter how great my European excursion, whether or not Mrs. McMurray reads my blog and decides I need to re-read Strunk & White - The Elements of Style, no matter what, I have wonderful friends and family waiting for me, and I'll have yet another exciting life chapter to begin.

For now, I'm taking it one day at a time. I want to enjoy every day; time is passing too quickly for me to waste it. I know that the future will hold great things, but today, I'm focusing on the present. It's a long, slow, beautiful dance... :)